…is today. Every Tom, Dick and Harry is watching England v Uruguay. Streets are deserted. Traffic lights seem to be frozen on a permanent green in all directions. The human race appears altogether extinct. Even the birds aren’t tweeting as they used to.

For a few daring seconds I contemplated running naked in the streets to see if anything would happen, but in the end I went for a bicycle ride. It felt like some mysterious epidemic had hit the Earth or Rapture, long promised by Jehova’s Witnesses, had suddenly come to fruition. Dead silence. And stillness. The air seemed thinner than usual. There was this lightness to it. Perhaps, with every one of the aforesaid Tom, Dick and Harry holding their breaths there is indeed less CO2 pollution in the atmosphere?

I think there should be a World Cup every day. It’d be good for the environment.

Unfortunately there are the druids, especially around Summer Solstice. You have to watch out for them as they can pop from any random ditch and hit you with a staff. I was lucky to miss them tonight, but I know there is a mass druid migration proceeding in the direction of Stonehenge. Roads will be blocked in the morning, pointy hats and long beards in evidence in the many a corner shop. Oh well, we can’t have it all. I’d rather have throngs of druids than hangover football fans (in foul mood!) littering the countryside.